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Behold: Tom’s Excellent Javascript Snow: unobtrusive and customisable javascript snow for web pages using no images! If you’re looking at this directly, rather than through an RSS aggregator, you should see it falling now. Unless, that is, you’re watching this on Dave, in which case it will be some time past Christmas and I might have taken the snow away again. However, it always snowing at Tom’s Excellent Javascript Snow page!
I’ve been meaning to write this since last year when my attempts were full of fail. The idea was to create simple unobstrusive javascript snow that could be added to any page and that didn’t require any images. I think Tom’s Excellent Javascript Snow fulfills these criteria and is therefore full of win. Furthermore, it is very customisable, so you can easily alter the amount, speed, and style of snow, and so forth. Incidentally, it uses the asterisk character (*) by default. There is in fact a Unicode Tight Trifoliate Snowflake character, but it is only available in a few fonts by the looks of it and I haven’t tried it. The script depends on the DOM and kind of uses CSS, but it is all defined through the Javascript: so many of the properties are different for individual snowflakes or change while the script is running, that it is not worth having a general style. It also means you only need one file to do everything.
To use it, copy tomsnow_v1.js to a directory on your web-server, and add the following code to the head of any pages on which you would like snow:
<script type="text/javascript" src="http://www.yourdomain.com/path/tomsnow_v1.js"></script>
<script type="text/javascript">
function init () {
snow();
}
window.onload=init;
</script>
I’m sure Stuart will tell me there’s a better way of doing it…
I know this works on Firefox 2 and Internet Explorer 6 on Windows as well as Firefox 3 on Linux.
In the unlikely event you do use this, do let me know for the sake of my own vanity. Any comments generally are welcome. I do have some ideas for version 2, maybe for next year, mostly around wind effects such as better horizontal drifting, prevailing winds, and gusts. Ideally, I would like to make the snow lay in some way, as in the snow at St Pancras (you might have to wait for it to kick in), but that is quite unlikely given the trouble I had with page heights as it was.
The second Eurovision 2008 semi-final was somewhat disappointing after the first one. It got off to a reasonable start with Iceland’s stock Eurovision entry and, after the inexplicably popular Swedish entry, seemed to be getting strong with Turkey’s very good contemporary guitar-based indy nonsense, and Ukraine’s very entertaining men in boxes. However, it was downhill from there: Lithuania got the man from the IT Crowd who lives in a cupboard to sing theirs, which seemed to promise much, but there were no ridiculously gothic dancers to back it up, no actual guitarist to put his hair in the way of the ubiquitous wind machine during the guitar solo, and no explosions of unnecessary fireworks to accompany the last chorus. Shame.
After that, Albania was just plain disappointing: the 16 year-old clearly came from the Christina Aguilera school, but not a in a particularly good way (I expect she gets on well with the Greek entry (who was better)). Switzerland’s song “Era stupendo” (”It was wonderful”) was flatly not wonderful. Nothing much to report after that really. The only bright spot was Malta, and that wasn’t too bright as spots go.
Even the Latvian entry was a complete missed opportunity: all dressed as pirates singing an entertainingly piratish song:
We are robbing you blind,
We hope you don’t mind.
This was promising but it was just rubbish: the song was rubbish, and they could have done so many more piraty things than hire costumes and put a ship’s driving wheel (whatever it’s called) on stage: where were the parrots, hooks for arms, treasure chests with scantily-clad backing singers leaping out? If you want to see this done properly, watch the Lazytown pirate song: the song itself is stronger and the visuals are more entertaining, and do remember how irritating Lazytown is.
One temporarily bright moment was Hungary’s entry: Hungary had a (dismal) song called, in English, “Candles”. So, they put candles on stage, which is only fitting, except that they all went out. Ha ha! I blame the wind machine.
We voted, vainly as it turned out, for Malta, partly on grounds of quality, and partly on realising the need to engage in political voting ourselves: Malta are always nice to us, so we should do the same. Somehow, though, the dreadful Georgian and Portuguese entries made it through instead. Tellingly, given the above comments, the first six, not including Lithuania, went through.
I predicted last year’s result correctly, so the pressure’s on again. I think Ukraine will win: they have good block-voting credentials, have done well in recent years, and have a moderately good song and stage presence. I think Finland will also do well: Scandinavia is a not often talked-about bloc, but one which is important, and Finland stand in the middle of the Scandinavian and Eastern blocs, which is partly why I think they did so well with Lordi. This song isn’t as good, nor is their stage presence, but it is not bad. I’ve probably written some “diva” off, like Sweden, but I really can’t see it, except perhaps for Portugal, which seemed strangely popular and has some passing similarities to last year’s winner.
I hope Finland or Azerbaijan win, preferably the latter as I think they worked harder on all the blood and everything, although I would really like to hear the songs again properly.
I have overhauled the cow pages on aurochs.org. They now look nice and cow-like in the same style as the cow games page, which looks a bit like this page too. In particular, there is a new cow jokes page, based largely on the cow Christmas cracker jokes post I did on this weblog just before Christmas, and a revamped cow songs and poems page. The list of cow pages is now as follows:
I am always interested to hear of new entries for any of these pages, but particularly for the latter, which is still quite short, although I am being picky: I would like poems or songs where the mention of cows is not incidental, which are preferably classic or by classic authors, and which are not simply doggerel (cowwerel?) for children. There isn’t a lot, as far as I can see.
As an addendum to yesterday’s post, here are some cow Christmas cracker jokes, of which there are many. Based on a trawl of the web, I think it is fairly authoritative. I can’t guaratee they have actually come from a Christmas cracker: some of them are just clearly short jokes, but I think they are worth including, if nothing else to kickstart the sad barely started list of cow jokes elsewhere on this site. I have given the source of each joke, at least where I first found it. I have, however, performed minor editing on them to standardize the formatting, tidy up punctuation, correct spelling, and so on. I did think about putting them in some kind of meaningful order, but they are instead in the order I came across them. I would, of course, be interested to hear any more you have to offer.
The last joke is a little intellectual: I have put a link to Wikipedia next to it which might help elucidate it for those of us without a head for physics.
Two cows stand in a field.
First cow: Are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease thats going round?
Second cow: Not really, I’m a chicken.
Source: PC Pro Interactive Forums
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
Q: Why did the sheep cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
Q: Why did the farmer cross the road?
A: To get his animals back
Source: PC Pro Interactive Forums
Q: What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A: A pat on the head.
Source: Ice In Space Forums
Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: Because the farmer had cold hands.
Source: Ice In Space Forums
Q: When do you know it is time for the cows to go to sleep?
A: When it is pasture bedtime.
Source: Ice In Space Forums
Q: Why do cows lie down in the rain?
A: To keep each udder dry.
Source: Pure FM Forums
Q: What goes boo boo boo?
A: cow with a blocked nose.
Source: Digital Spy Forums
Q: What goes ‘oooooooooooooooh!’?
A: A cow with no lips.
Source: The CommanderBond.net Forums
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Source: JokeEmail.com
Q: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Source: JokeEmail.com
Q: Why did the cow ring its bell?
A: Because it’s horn didn’t work!!
Source: Wrexham Today Forums
Q: What do you get when you put a cow on a trampoline?
A: A milk shake.
Source: Some Christmas Cracker Jokes compiled by Owen Williams
Q: Where do cows go for a night out?
A: To the Mooooo-vies
Source: CPFC BBS Forums
Q: How do cows subtract?
A: With a cow-culator
Source: CPFC BBS Forums
Q: Where do cows go on holiday?
A: Moo York!
Source: Gamestyle Forum
Q: What do you get if you cross a cow, sheep, and a goat?
A: The milky baa kid!!!
Source: Natasha Bedingfield Forum
Q: What goes oom oom?
A: A cow walking backwards.
Source: CharlotteChurch.net Forums
Q: What game do cows play at parties?
A: Moosical chairs.
Source: CharlotteChurch.net Forums
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck?
A: Milk and quackers.
Source: CharlotteChurch.net Forums
Q: How do cows move house?
A: They call the Mooooovers.
Source: Gush Forums
Q: Why did the milking stool have only two legs?
A: Because the cow had the udder one.
Source: Christmas Cracker Jokes compiled by John Dubery.
Man in butcher’s shop: I bet you five quid you can’t reach the beef of that top shelf.
Butcher: No, the steaks are too high
Source: BBC Radio Lancashire (Google cached version)
Q: Why was the butcher worried?
A: His job was at steak!
Source: Observer Magazine
Q: What did the great explorer eat in the jungle?
A: Steak and pygmy pie.
Source: H2G2
First man: Do you want a game of Darts?
Second man: OK then.
First man:Nearest to bull starts.
Second man: Baa.
First man: Moo.
Second man: You’re closest!
Source: Zedge
Q: What do you call a tiny cow?
A: A Moo-on. *
Source: BioWare Forums
Lastly, I forgot to say happy new year yesterday, so merry Christmas and a happy new year!
Tradition is traditional at Christmas so, to continue the tradition of previous years, I offer you more Christmas cracker jokes! This year there are three, one of them written by me. A special prize* if you can work out which one:
-
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wayne.
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger.
-
Why does Father Christmas have three Gardens?
To Ho-Ho-Ho
-
Why didn’t the lawyer get any Christmas presents?
Because of the Santa clause.
Sources (in no particular order): Telegraph, me, Susan Hill. Those of you who like bad puns like these may also be interested to read about the Punic Wars.
Lastly, to complete your Christmas joy, why not look at this page through the Lolinator (via Tom Roper).
* Christmas goodwill.
To us it is a glorious theme
To sing of milk and curds and cream
While cataloguing some poetry books I came across a book called Pegasus descending : a book of the best bad verse / edited with notes and an introductory dialogue by James Camp, X.J. Kennedy and Keith Waldrop. In it is a superb poem, written in Canada in the 19th century by James McIntyre, called Queen of cheese. It was written about a prize 4 ton cheese made in Ingersoll, Canada, which later went on a tour of Toronto, New York, and Britain. The third stanza particularly appealed to me:
Cows numerous as a swarm of bees
Or as the leaves upon the trees
It did require to make thee please
And stand unrivaled, queen of cheese.
Now that’s poetry! McIntyre became known as the Cheese Poet. Wikipedia quotes one of his other poems about cheese in Canada called Oxford Cheese Ode:
The ancient poets ne’er did dream
That Canada was land of cream,
They ne’er imagined it could flow
In this cold land of ice and snow,
Where everything did solid freeze
They ne’er hoped or looked for cheese.
Interestingly, the last stanza of the Oxford Cheese Ode also re-uses the comparison of many cows to a swarm of bees:
Cows numerous as swarm of bees
Are milked in Oxford to make cheese.
If you want to read more, which I am sure you do, Poemhunter has the full text of James McIntyre’s poems, including the two above, although beware of pop-ups, even with Firefox with the pop-up blocker on.
Hooray, there is a new café in Sandy, Archie & Mabel’s. We went in there on Friday to see what it was like, and again on Sunday in order to make sure they are encouraged to stay open on Sundays, there being almost nothing else to do on a Sunday in Sandy, excepting the pubs and Budgens. I also made this point to the proprietor, although there seemed to be enough people in there at the time to justify some hope. In addition, there were lots of people floating past the window while out walking who looked interested.
Anyway, the cakes are lovely, the coffee is very nice, and the people/person (Archie and Mabel’s mother according to the menu) is very friendly and, along with the decor, gives the place a very welcoming air, especially for families. There are toys, a chalkboard, and books, and so forth. We now have two children so descriptions like “child friendly” are a good thing. One lady came in on Sunday asking if this was a creche or parents’ morning, such is the clientele and ambience. There is also artwork for sale from the Artists Network Bedfordshire, although not really my cup of tea or price bracket, as well as a selection of gifts and things, which I predict will be replaced by a chiller cabinet at some point in the future.
The only real problem (aside from the slatted tables that make balancing cups difficult) is that they don’t serve lunch, although in an overheard conversation the owner suggested that she was aware of this. Perhaps she wants to get the basics working right first.
I would recommend Archie & Mabel’s. Go there on a Sunday!
There is of course another recent eatery, Gaffneys, which I haven’t tried yet. It aspires to be fine dining, which the prices on the menu appear to confirm. It might be wonderful for all I know and I would like to try it; however, I wonder how such a place will thrive or survive in Sandy. The most high-brow place in Sandy before Gaffneys was China Express which, although also expensive, has an extremely popular, high quality, and not particularly expensive take-away business on the side as well as Sandwich Express, another busy café round the corner. Whereas China Express often seems busy, Gaffneys looks empty at Sunday lunch time, unless there is more seating hidden away from the public gaze somewhere. I predict Gordon Ramsay will be paying a visit…
There was a water cut in Sandy yesterday. I thought the shower had just conked out. We had some water in the tanks for the bath and so forth so I didn’t think much of it and went to work. It was then interesting to see how far I could follow developments at work. I first found out about the cut, and could tell my wife about it, as the RSS feed I have set up for Biggleswade Today had the information in my feed reader when I came into work. Hurrah.
To follow developments, I looked up the Anglian Water site. A search for Sandy gave me an incident page which, although grammatically awful and low on detail, at least had the main points and was time-stamped. I had a meeting from about 2 till 4. When I got out, Biggleswade Today had triumphantly added another news item saying that the water came back at 3 (again, I could tell my wife at home and she could start actually using the water); the Anglian Water page just disappeared: there was nothing to say there ever was a problem and had that been my only source of information, I wouldn’t have known what that meant. A bit rubbish. As for the BBC, they had eventually put an article via RSS saying that there was a water cut. It still says so now and they haven’t issued any updates yet.
Conclusion: hurrah for Biggleswade Today; almost good but boo for Anglian Water; ho hum for the BBC.
On Christmas Eve, I noticed that Pete’s newsagent/off-licence/corner shop, the Sandy landmark at the end of our road, has now changed hands. It is now open till ten in the evening (not till eight as before), and was apparently open on Christmas Day of all things, which means there was no need for me hurry out at seven to buy eggs (for the next day’s Yorkshire pudding) on two counts.
I will be sad to see the former occupants go. Since I started taking my young son in there regularly, they were a lot more friendly as they obviously like children (or she did anyway) although they seemed to forget who I was if I went in alone. Never mind.
The big question with Pete’s however has always been Is it still Pete who works in there?. I have it on authority from a former Potton resident who went to school in Sandy that it was called Pete’s some years before we moved to Sandy in 2002. We can be pretty sure it is not Pete in there now unless:
- One of the new people is also called Pete
- Pete, whoever he is, still owns the shop and the new people are simply new managers
These things are important.
Following my post earlier this year pointing out that there are two Lloyds chemists a few doors down from eachother, two Forbuoys newsagents across the market square from eachother, and two Budgens, stevepsandy was good enough to write a couple of lengthy comments to explain these points. As the comments feed for this website is still in progress for Aurlog, I reproduce his comments below. Many thanks!:
The issue of two chemists newsagents and Budgens is quite simple:
1. The big ‘Fourboys’ in the Market Square, used to be a private newsagents for many years, then got taken over by the TM Group t/a Fourboys. The little Forbouys down on the parade opposite used to belong to Jack Berry. When he retired and sold up, Fourboys took it over. These two units now trade under the Martin McColl banner, which is the lates incarnation of the TM Group (HO Brentwood Essex).
2. In a not disimilar fashion the two chemsts almost side by side were also competing. The big one, next to the chippy, was for many years a launderette and when first opened as a chemists, was called ‘Cooks’. The small chemist, next to the alleyway leading to the Health Centre, used to be owned by a small independent, who had several pharmacies in the region (can,t recall their name off-hand but it was someone’s name, first & surname – female). The small chemist was eventually sold off to what is now Lloyds and the’Cooks’ chemist was already (it’s believed) another trading name of the Lloyds group. It’s not clear why both chemists now trade under the Lloyds banner but the two offer similar but differing services. The little Lloyds tends to be the more traditional type of chemist, selling prescription and non-presciption drugs OTC items & preparations, health related testing kits, general bathroom and washroom products and so on. The big Lloyds, whilst selling much of what the little one does, because of its’ larger floor and shelf space, sell a wide range of haircare accessories, beauty aids, giftware and since recent times, invalid buggies! So, in short, the two offer quite a complementary service.
3. Budgens (now franchised in both sites), part of Musgrove Budgen Londis Group (MBL), trades both in the town centre and on the new Fallowfield development in the north of the town. The Budgens franchise in Fallowfield has come after a long battle with the developers, planners and other interested parties, to get some retail provision on the new estate (at one time, there were even plans to convert the original proposed retail units into yet more housing!
So now you know – or at least my take on the issue.
Incidentally, the Post Office (where it is now used to be an Eastern Electricity retail shop) has expanded into next door, where there used to be a dry cleaners (even before the dry cleaners, it was a sports shop). Anyway, since the ‘expansion’ we now have a Spar convenience store, incorporating the Post Office, the dry cleaners (no dry cleaning on the premises – its all sent away), alimited range of Spar branded and mainstream branded grocery items and even (as if we didn’t have enough facilities already)self service take-away coffee unit. Oh and by the way, the stationers, up on the High Street, ‘The Knack’, is rumoured to be closing down soon (lack of trade?) It used to be a Video hire Shop before it was a stationers – not sure what it was before that.
The ‘proper’ dry cleaners next door, ‘Clean Stream’ used to be an estate agents (no doubt competing with Brown’s opposite). Not sure what it was immediately before that.
There is more but I’ll save that for another time.
…
Since my last post I have received information that in fact, what is now the Chippy was the old launderette, so I am not sure what the big chemist might have been before Cooks/Lloyds. Someone out there will surely know.
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