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I have overhauled the cow pages on aurochs.org. They now look nice and cow-like in the same style as the cow games page, which looks a bit like this page too. In particular, there is a new cow jokes page, based largely on the cow Christmas cracker jokes post I did on this weblog just before Christmas, and a revamped cow songs and poems page. The list of cow pages is now as follows:
I am always interested to hear of new entries for any of these pages, but particularly for the latter, which is still quite short, although I am being picky: I would like poems or songs where the mention of cows is not incidental, which are preferably classic or by classic authors, and which are not simply doggerel (cowwerel?) for children. There isn’t a lot, as far as I can see. As an addendum to yesterday’s post, here are some cow Christmas cracker jokes, of which there are many. Based on a trawl of the web, I think it is fairly authoritative. I can’t guaratee they have actually come from a Christmas cracker: some of them are just clearly short jokes, but I think they are worth including, if nothing else to kickstart the sad barely started list of cow jokes elsewhere on this site. I have given the source of each joke, at least where I first found it. I have, however, performed minor editing on them to standardize the formatting, tidy up punctuation, correct spelling, and so on. I did think about putting them in some kind of meaningful order, but they are instead in the order I came across them. I would, of course, be interested to hear any more you have to offer. The last joke is a little intellectual: I have put a link to Wikipedia next to it which might help elucidate it for those of us without a head for physics. Two cows stand in a field. Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? Q: What do you get when you sit under a cow? Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon? Q: When do you know it is time for the cows to go to sleep? Q: Why do cows lie down in the rain? Q: What goes boo boo boo? Q: What goes ‘oooooooooooooooh!’? Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? Q: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Q: Why did the cow ring its bell? Q: What do you get when you put a cow on a trampoline? Q: Where do cows go for a night out? Q: How do cows subtract? Q: Where do cows go on holiday? Q: What do you get if you cross a cow, sheep, and a goat? Q: What goes oom oom? Q: What game do cows play at parties? Q: What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck? Q: How do cows move house? Q: Why did the milking stool have only two legs? Man in butcher’s shop: I bet you five quid you can’t reach the beef of that top shelf. Q: Why was the butcher worried? Q: What did the great explorer eat in the jungle? First man: Do you want a game of Darts? Q: What do you call a tiny cow? Lastly, I forgot to say happy new year yesterday, so merry Christmas and a happy new year! Tradition is traditional at Christmas so, to continue the tradition of previous years, I offer you more Christmas cracker jokes! This year there are three, one of them written by me. A special prize* if you can work out which one:
Sources (in no particular order): Telegraph, me, Susan Hill. Those of you who like bad puns like these may also be interested to read about the Punic Wars. Lastly, to complete your Christmas joy, why not look at this page through the Lolinator (via Tom Roper). * Christmas goodwill.
While cataloguing some poetry books I came across a book called Pegasus descending : a book of the best bad verse / edited with notes and an introductory dialogue by James Camp, X.J. Kennedy and Keith Waldrop. In it is a superb poem, written in Canada in the 19th century by James McIntyre, called Queen of cheese. It was written about a prize 4 ton cheese made in Ingersoll, Canada, which later went on a tour of Toronto, New York, and Britain. The third stanza particularly appealed to me:
Now that’s poetry! McIntyre became known as the Cheese Poet. Wikipedia quotes one of his other poems about cheese in Canada called Oxford Cheese Ode:
Interestingly, the last stanza of the Oxford Cheese Ode also re-uses the comparison of many cows to a swarm of bees:
If you want to read more, which I am sure you do, Poemhunter has the full text of James McIntyre’s poems, including the two above, although beware of pop-ups, even with Firefox with the pop-up blocker on. Hooray, there is a new café in Sandy, Archie & Mabel’s. We went in there on Friday to see what it was like, and again on Sunday in order to make sure they are encouraged to stay open on Sundays, there being almost nothing else to do on a Sunday in Sandy, excepting the pubs and Budgens. I also made this point to the proprietor, although there seemed to be enough people in there at the time to justify some hope. In addition, there were lots of people floating past the window while out walking who looked interested. Anyway, the cakes are lovely, the coffee is very nice, and the people/person (Archie and Mabel’s mother according to the menu) is very friendly and, along with the decor, gives the place a very welcoming air, especially for families. There are toys, a chalkboard, and books, and so forth. We now have two children so descriptions like “child friendly” are a good thing. One lady came in on Sunday asking if this was a creche or parents’ morning, such is the clientele and ambience. There is also artwork for sale from the Artists Network Bedfordshire, although not really my cup of tea or price bracket, as well as a selection of gifts and things, which I predict will be replaced by a chiller cabinet at some point in the future. The only real problem (aside from the slatted tables that make balancing cups difficult) is that they don’t serve lunch, although in an overheard conversation the owner suggested that she was aware of this. Perhaps she wants to get the basics working right first. I would recommend Archie & Mabel’s. Go there on a Sunday! There is of course another recent eatery, Gaffneys, which I haven’t tried yet. It aspires to be fine dining, which the prices on the menu appear to confirm. It might be wonderful for all I know and I would like to try it; however, I wonder how such a place will thrive or survive in Sandy. The most high-brow place in Sandy before Gaffneys was China Express which, although also expensive, has an extremely popular, high quality, and not particularly expensive take-away business on the side as well as Sandwich Express, another busy café round the corner. Whereas China Express often seems busy, Gaffneys looks empty at Sunday lunch time, unless there is more seating hidden away from the public gaze somewhere. I predict Gordon Ramsay will be paying a visit… There was a water cut in Sandy yesterday. I thought the shower had just conked out. We had some water in the tanks for the bath and so forth so I didn’t think much of it and went to work. It was then interesting to see how far I could follow developments at work. I first found out about the cut, and could tell my wife about it, as the RSS feed I have set up for Biggleswade Today had the information in my feed reader when I came into work. Hurrah. To follow developments, I looked up the Anglian Water site. A search for Sandy gave me an incident page which, although grammatically awful and low on detail, at least had the main points and was time-stamped. I had a meeting from about 2 till 4. When I got out, Biggleswade Today had triumphantly added another news item saying that the water came back at 3 (again, I could tell my wife at home and she could start actually using the water); the Anglian Water page just disappeared: there was nothing to say there ever was a problem and had that been my only source of information, I wouldn’t have known what that meant. A bit rubbish. As for the BBC, they had eventually put an article via RSS saying that there was a water cut. It still says so now and they haven’t issued any updates yet. Conclusion: hurrah for Biggleswade Today; almost good but boo for Anglian Water; ho hum for the BBC. On Christmas Eve, I noticed that Pete’s newsagent/off-licence/corner shop, the Sandy landmark at the end of our road, has now changed hands. It is now open till ten in the evening (not till eight as before), and was apparently open on Christmas Day of all things, which means there was no need for me hurry out at seven to buy eggs (for the next day’s Yorkshire pudding) on two counts. I will be sad to see the former occupants go. Since I started taking my young son in there regularly, they were a lot more friendly as they obviously like children (or she did anyway) although they seemed to forget who I was if I went in alone. Never mind. The big question with Pete’s however has always been Is it still Pete who works in there?. I have it on authority from a former Potton resident who went to school in Sandy that it was called Pete’s some years before we moved to Sandy in 2002. We can be pretty sure it is not Pete in there now unless:
These things are important. Following my post earlier this year pointing out that there are two Lloyds chemists a few doors down from eachother, two Forbuoys newsagents across the market square from eachother, and two Budgens, stevepsandy was good enough to write a couple of lengthy comments to explain these points. As the comments feed for this website is still in progress for Aurlog, I reproduce his comments below. Many thanks!:
Simon Brunning points out a new service called Walk It which gives directions for pedestrians, much in the same manner as Google Maps does for cars. Mr Brunning gives a good overview of it, especially pointing out its fault in having no easy |
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