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Cow Christmas cracker jokes

As an addendum to yesterday’s post, here are some cow Christmas cracker jokes, of which there are many. Based on a trawl of the web, I think it is fairly authoritative. I can’t guaratee they have actually come from a Christmas cracker: some of them are just clearly short jokes, but I think they are worth including, if nothing else to kickstart the sad barely started list of cow jokes elsewhere on this site. I have given the source of each joke, at least where I first found it. I have, however, performed minor editing on them to standardize the formatting, tidy up punctuation, correct spelling, and so on. I did think about putting them in some kind of meaningful order, but they are instead in the order I came across them. I would, of course, be interested to hear any more you have to offer.

The last joke is a little intellectual: I have put a link to Wikipedia next to it which might help elucidate it for those of us without a head for physics.

Two cows stand in a field.
First cow: Are you worried about this Mad Cow Disease thats going round?
Second cow: Not really, I’m a chicken.
Source: PC Pro Interactive Forums

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
Q: Why did the sheep cross the road?
A: To get to the other side
Q: Why did the farmer cross the road?
A: To get his animals back
Source: PC Pro Interactive Forums

Q: What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A: A pat on the head.
Source: Ice In Space Forums

Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: Because the farmer had cold hands.
Source: Ice In Space Forums

Q: When do you know it is time for the cows to go to sleep?
A: When it is pasture bedtime.
Source: Ice In Space Forums

Q: Why do cows lie down in the rain?
A: To keep each udder dry.
Source: Pure FM Forums

Q: What goes boo boo boo?
A: cow with a blocked nose.
Source: Digital Spy Forums

Q: What goes ‘oooooooooooooooh!’?
A: A cow with no lips.
Source: The CommanderBond.net Forums

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Source: JokeEmail.com

Q: What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Source: JokeEmail.com

Q: Why did the cow ring its bell?
A: Because it’s horn didn’t work!!
Source: Wrexham Today Forums

Q: What do you get when you put a cow on a trampoline?
A: A milk shake.
Source: Some Christmas Cracker Jokes compiled by Owen Williams

Q: Where do cows go for a night out?
A: To the Mooooo-vies
Source: CPFC BBS Forums

Q: How do cows subtract?
A: With a cow-culator
Source: CPFC BBS Forums

Q: Where do cows go on holiday?
A: Moo York!
Source: Gamestyle Forum

Q: What do you get if you cross a cow, sheep, and a goat?
A: The milky baa kid!!!
Source: Natasha Bedingfield Forum

Q: What goes oom oom?
A: A cow walking backwards.
Source: CharlotteChurch.net Forums

Q: What game do cows play at parties?
A: Moosical chairs.
Source: CharlotteChurch.net Forums

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow with a duck?
A: Milk and quackers.
Source: CharlotteChurch.net Forums

Q: How do cows move house?
A: They call the Mooooovers.
Source: Gush Forums

Q: Why did the milking stool have only two legs?
A: Because the cow had the udder one.
Source: Christmas Cracker Jokes compiled by John Dubery.

Man in butcher’s shop: I bet you five quid you can’t reach the beef of that top shelf.
Butcher: No, the steaks are too high
Source: BBC Radio Lancashire (Google cached version)

Q: Why was the butcher worried?
A: His job was at steak!
Source: Observer Magazine

Q: What did the great explorer eat in the jungle?
A: Steak and pygmy pie.
Source: H2G2

First man: Do you want a game of Darts?
Second man: OK then.
First man:Nearest to bull starts.
Second man: Baa.
First man: Moo.
Second man: You’re closest!
Source: Zedge

Q: What do you call a tiny cow?
A: A Moo-on. *
Source: BioWare Forums

Lastly, I forgot to say happy new year yesterday, so merry Christmas and a happy new year!

Merry Christmas

Tradition is traditional at Christmas so, to continue the tradition of previous years, I offer you more Christmas cracker jokes! This year there are three, one of them written by me. A special prize* if you can work out which one:

  1. Knock, knock.
    Who’s there?
    Wayne.
    Wayne who?
    Wayne in a manger.

  2. Why does Father Christmas have three Gardens?

    To Ho-Ho-Ho

  3. Why didn’t the lawyer get any Christmas presents?

    Because of the Santa clause.

Sources (in no particular order): Telegraph, me, Susan Hill. Those of you who like bad puns like these may also be interested to read about the Punic Wars.

Lastly, to complete your Christmas joy, why not look at this page through the Lolinator (via Tom Roper).

* Christmas goodwill.