Aurlog

Out of the Eurovision semi-finalists, I liked (three from each semi-final):

• Montengro: Boney M’s Rasputin in Eurovision form, although not as good as that should sound.
• Iceland: a proper song and a rare naturally attractive singer.
• Bosnia: interesting song. Hard to say much more, which is unusual.
• Greece: just for the enteratinment value of the box thing with flag and the travellator and some good leaning by the backing group and the song wasn’t bad.
• Moldova: very catchy folky song with a man with some bizarre pole thing.
• Estonia. Atmospheric song and show.

Of these, only Montenegro didn’t go through, which is perhaps not unreasonable. It was the first one I scored, so I perhaps overrated it in my enthusiasm.

Conversely, some utter rubbish did make it through. Romania’s was appalling, as was Finland’s senseless attempt to re-create Daz Simpson (although it wasn’t so bad when he stopped his monotonous pretence at rapping during the chorus). Thursday’s semi-final was worse generally and maybe this explains why Lithuania and Albania made it through. Looking at my notes, there wasn’t actually too much that was better that didn’t make it through: Cyprus possibly.

Worth particular mention are the two Irish entries:

• Ireland. Luckily Carol Voordeman’s lame efforts came to naught, etc.
• Denmark. Sadly Ronan Keating with a mask on did make it through. It sounds like a Mr Keating song, the man sort of looked like Mr Keating, and his voice sounded like Mr Keating. None of these are good.

I haven’t really had a good enough listen to any of the Big Four’s songs, or that of Russia, although the French one looked intriguing. The UK entry is disappointing to say the least. I’m not his greatest fan, but I did think Mr Lloyd-Webber could come up with something better than the repetitive My Time:

It’s my time, my time, my time, my time, myyyyyyy time, my moment, this is my perfect moment…

I can see why he got Mr Rice to write the lyrics. Jade seems to be able to belt out a tune, however, although I still think we should have gone with the twins. I do have my doubts about putting Andrew Lloyd Webber on stage. Unless Europe is positively star-struck by his eminence, I wonder what his presence will add compared to Ukraine’s take on pole dancing (ladder-dancing inside large metal wheels) or the fire which probably got Finland through.

One more thing: there were a couple of strange trends. First, key changes are well down this year, which is very sad. Very sad, indeed. Second, the second semi-final had a weird glut of people playing cellos standing up with the cello off the floor with the big metal spiking waving everywhere (lots of violins and such like generally this year too). Maybe the Russians have less stringent Health and Safety rules. Very odd.

Prediction: Sweden. Although I am probably underestimating Norway. Both at least are from Scandinavia, which has been bloc voting since the before Eastern bloc emerged from behind the Iron Curtain. Greece might be in with a chance but I don’t think they are in a politically useful area. A few hundred miles north might have made all the difference. I’d be happy with Sweden (for the song) or Greece (for the show).

Some thoughts on last night’s Eurovision 2008 first semi-final in Belgrade which was, generally, very interesting.

The outfits made a fairly strong showing, especially with leather worn in a scantily-clad style, although Slovenia decided to be more chaste with all-over leather, with ropes to ensure the dancers couldn’t escape and be naughty. Or something. That was the first half anyway; the second half seemed to favour almost elegant dresses or traditional ridiculously short skirts. Ireland, of course, had a turkey with a man up its arse; we’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see if Turkey have a man with an island up his arse. Or something. More encouraging were Israel’s demons, Azerbaijan’s angels and demons (if I write Dan Brown Dan Brown Dan Brown I might get some inadvertent hits), the Polish lady’s fake (God, I hope so) tan, and Bosnia&c’s four meringuèd brides.

The quality of the songs wasn’t bad either, I thought. I am usually a fan of the traditional Eurovision song, but there were a number of attempts that I did think were a little too boring: e.g. Slovenia again, or Armenia’s shouty entry (which somehow got through); the Netherlands was OK; Greece, however, did it very well. Finland did metal again: although it wasn’t up to the standards, either of song or costume, of Lordi, it was certainly one of the best songs on the night. What is weird about both these Finnish metal entries is that despite the genre and the obvious gimmick they are both comparatively strong songs in terms of the competition. However, they were certainly out-gothed this time with the operatic, metal-ish, over-costumed brilliance of Azerbaijan, which had blood and everything.

Two entries stood out for originality: 1) Belgium, mainly because they made up a language (Ishtarian: sadly no Wikipedia page as yet) to sing in, which neatly side-steps the political aspects of which language to perform in. They also had an original, very slightly bizarre, but thoroughly charming and floaty sound, with no drums and little in the way of backing. Sadly, they didn’t make it to the final. 2) Bosnia&c, who also had a quirky though more upbeat song. It would have been a good song anyway, if you could concentrate over the aforementioned quartet of brides, the washing line, “strawberry” dress, and the strange strange poses of the lead singer. Luckily, this one got through.

A further note on the Irish entry. It was shit. It should and could have been funny, but it was, instead, shit. The lyrics were well put together but the song was just chanting interspersed with a few dance beats. And there was a hoarse turkey (not a horse turkey) on the stage. I’m all for novelty, me. But this was shit.

Oh, and they didn’t show the episode of Top Gear where Richard Hammond mated with a hobbit, but it must of happened because the result was singing for San Marino.

My favourites (with 4/5 points) were Azerbaijan, and Finland, both of which you can see on Saturday. My next favourites (3/5, but not all so scoring) were Belgium (out), Bosnia&c (in), and Greece (in). However, how Poland, Moldova, Armenia, and Romania got through I don’t know. Although some non-Eastern bloc countries got to the final this year, thanks to the revised semi-final voting, it is noticeable that the poorer entries that got through are Eastern bloc: both the Netherlands and Belgium deserved to beat any of those four by far.

Oh dear, we’re not going to win Eurovision again. Of course, given the geopolitical situation and all that, we’re probably not going to win for years anyway: the Finns were particularly blessed last year in straddling the Scandinavian and East European blocs. However, what I mean is that we’ve chosen the wrong song again. The sub-Steps cabin-crew-themed slightly-pretending-to-be-Bucks-Fizz campness of Scooch might have done passably well five years ago but is essentially an updated but still out of date boom-bang-a-bang entry. Look what won last year. Look at Dana International even. Politics aside, it isn’t simply novelty that wins Eurovision any more; it’s that something Xtra (LOL), and Flying the Flag (for You) doesn’t have it.

On the bright side, it wasn’t (though nearly was) Cyndi, who sang a faintly Celtic (i.e. Irish-sounding) dull ballad. She is actually French and said in an interview that nationality doesn’t matter at Eurovision. I think you’ll find it does, otherwise it would be an individual competition and not nearly so much fun. The national element of Eurovision is part of Europe’s safety valve that helps the nations of Europe from engaging in world wars when they get bored. This is why it is important to keep the Middle Eastern countries involved (although Israel are seemingly sailing close to the wind this year). Maybe we should get Iran, Iraq, and the US involved, although I can’t imagine what the Americans would come up with: I suppose it would give Britney Spears something to do when the kids have gone to school.

You can listen to the other entries on the BBC website. The only reason to vote for Brian Harvey was pity. My hopes were with Hawkins and Brown who I thought might bring some of the absurd metallish spirit of Lordi with them, but which was merely high-pitched and disappointing. By far the best act in my opinion was, not typically for me and despite the spelling of their name, Big Brovaz. It still wouldn’t have won, but it would have picked up points for having at least some quality, which Scooch just doesn’t. Scooch just aims to entertain. Fair enough, Lordi did that, but their song was good too: it even had a good tune as well and was entertaining even if you were blind.

That said, I really do hope Scooch win. Although a good song is important if someone else wins, it matters nought if we win.